Promise Tewogbola is a Christian writer, behavioral economic researcher and author of several books. He has a master's degree in Public Health and a Ph.D. in Applied Psychology.
They got some dogs, restrained them, and, gave them about 64 electric shocks.
The following day, the dogs were placed in a special box with two compartments separated by a short barrier.
The idea was that if the floor of one compartment was electrified, the dog could hop over the barrier and escape into the other side.
However, that wasn’t what happened in Solomon’s experiment.
When the dogs were placed in the special box and the current turned on, they didn’t move an inch.
The dogs were in discomfort, yet, they didn’t do the one thing that could relieve their pain – Jump to the other side!!!
As it turned out, the experience of being restrained and shocked 64 times in one day taught the dogs one thing: No matter what you do, you can’t escape the pain
When going through trying times, humans forget that they are not the only ones who have experienced such circumstances.
No matter how rough the situation it is you’re going through is, there are people who have gone through worse and came through on the other side.
It’s easier to snap out of learned helplessness when you realize that: (a) your situation could have been much worse, and (b) other people in similar or worse circumstances pulled through.
3. There’s always a way of escape
Gavin de Becker once said, “When you worry, ask yourself, what am I choosing not to see right now?”
Learned helplessness is built on a foundation of faulty mental models that are in turn established upon incorrect assumptions of reality.
Once you understand this, you’d realize that you have no problem but a perception problem.
The fact that you’re faced with a situation means you have what it takes to get out of it.
Open your eyes and heart and stay sensitive, you’d realize that the answer is closer than you think.
There’s always an element of difficulty that accompanies the pursuit of mastery.
People who go on hiking or mountain climbing could use vehicles and helicopters to get to their destinations. But, in addition to the feeling of accomplishment that comes from completing the climb or hike, there is also something about the journey that changes those who embark on it.
The same can be said about a good book. When you pick up a book, you should experience a “stretching of the limits of your mind to new dimensions.” This stretching should be uncomfortable, as old patterns of thought are uprooted and newer ones installed.
Most people walk through life with unchallenged and untested assumptions about how the world works. A good book should give you the opportunity to test those assumptions. Whether those assumptions are right, wrong, or incomplete, a good book will cause tension which will give you the chance to examine the foundations upon which your life’s philosophy rests.
Unfortunately, that’s not the case today with the kinds of books in circulation. Nowadays, we have a glut of information and a poverty of attention. As a result, there are few books in pop culture that are capable of doing any stretching to your mind. Rather, what you’ll see is the same crap recycled over and over again.
That’s why I’d say about 80% of the material in the self-help space is filled with simple, post-modern, watered-down, feel-good, motivational fluff camouflaged as books; each riding on the latest fad while claiming to be the best thing since sliced bread. And the more of these books you read, the more likely you are to suffer mental decadence, as well as action paralysis – a situation of inaction induced by the frequently conflicting ideas that self-help books offer. This is WHY you’re not getting anything out of popular books !!!
To start getting the best out of books, I recommend replacing self-help books with any from these three categories:
Biographies
There’s really nothing new under the sun.
Every challenge you will ever face has been faced in some shape or form by someone in the past.
When you read a biography that is presented in a balanced manner, you are free to objectively consider the events in the individual’s life without anybody force-feeding you with their opinions. As you are thinking about this person’s life, you are also indirectly examining how you would think if you’re in situations similar to the ones you’re reading about.
In addition to reading about the characters in the Bible, I like researching the stories of interesting people scattered throughout history. I’ve used the stories of people like Hakeem Olajuwon, Barack Obama, Dmitri Mendeleev, Harry Truman among many others to expound upon ideas in my posts.
Historical books
It’s often said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again with the expectation of a different result.
People who ignore history do so to their detriment.
When you read the story of the United States’ involvement in the Vietnam War, it’s hard to understand how the same events could still pan out years later in the Iraq War.
Many unnecessary pains that we face in contemporary times could be avoided if politicians and policymakers paid a little more attention to history.
As of this time, in addition to the Bible, my favorite source of history books include anything written by Robert Greene and Ryan Holiday. I enjoy listening to Malcolm Gladwell’s podcast – Revisionist History.
Recently, I’ve also been trying to read more about the history of the Yoruba people. In what I’ve read so far, I’ve been amazed by the level of societal organization and technological development that my people had as early as the 1400s. I highly recommend you not just reading contemporary global or foreign history, but more about your culture and people.
Books from other fields
If you want to genuinely change your life, you cannot afford to be confined to the self-help space.
Understand this: The idea that will change your life is common knowledge in another field
Ideas from chemistry inspired this quote which I used in my post, ‘Wisdom Shouts in the Streets: “Everything resorts to chaos, order is enforced by power”
Charles Darwin’s theory of evolution was fully formed after he read books from Geology and Economics.
Read books from biology, economics, sociology, anthropology, philosophy, psychology, chemistry, physics… And even maths!
They will enrich your mind with metaphors that will expand your mind to see the world in ways you never thought possible.
Even more, you don’t need to buy textbooks stuffed with formulas and all that jazz.
Nowadays, there are tons of books that will give you the gist of big ideas from other fields without boring you with mathematical proofs and other unnecessary details. Examples of good ones I’ve read in recent times include The Ghost Map (public health), The Fabric of the Cosmos (physics), The Impossible Will Take a Little While (sociology/political science).
Conclusion
The bulk of self-help books in print today will spoon-feed you with low-level information, thus depriving you of the experience of having your mind stretched.
The way a chick helped to hatch is condemned to life-long weakness, your choice to be spoon-fed mediocrity is severely limiting you.
By changing the kinds of books you read, you can start getting more out of every reading session
‘Unless you become aware of the spiritual realities, you can never profit from them’
– The Law of Cognizance
The year 1940 saw the Nazi German army at the height of its military superiority during World War II.
At the Battle of Dunkirk, the Allied armies, comprising mostly of British and French soldiers found themselves in a very precarious situation.
The German soldiers had ruthlessly taken advantage of an oversight in the French defensive line, while hitherto neutral nearby nations like the Netherlands and Belgium had also surrendered to the Germans.
This resulted in the Allied forces outmaneuvered and trapped by the German soldiers in all directions.
In addition, the Germans had planes that could fly over the trapped Allied armies and make short work of them with powerful bombs.
And to make matters worse for the Allied forces, retreat was impossible because they were bottled up in a water corridor that was about 97 kilometers deep and 24 kilometers long. There was no way the Allied armies were going to swim the long way home to escape their predicament.
Yet, over the course of 10 days, from May 26 – June 4,
1940, more than 300,000 Allied soldiers were able to escape from Dunkirk with
the aid of boats and ships sent from England.
It turned out that for some eerie reasons, the German army momentarily halted its advance towards the trapped soldiers.
For three whole days!
That was more than enough time for the Allied forces to organize their evacuation efforts.
To this day, there is no consensus on why the German army decided to slow down their offensive at Dunkirk for three whole days, when the logical thing to do would have been to continue charging towards the trapped Allied armies and totally crushing them.
In my opinion, the actions of the German army at the
Battle of Dunkirk in 1940 will continue to be a cause of bewilderment to
historians for one simple reason. Historians always analyze past events from a
solely physical paradigm.
On the other hand, the accounts of war told in the
Bible give a more complete picture of the variables that determine the results
of different battles fought.
For instance, 1 Chronicles 14:10-17 gives an account
of two battles fought between the Israeli army and that of the Philistines.
Before the first battle, King David of the Israeli
army inquired from God to see whether he should go ahead and engage the enemy.
God gave the king the green light and the result was a rout in favor of Israel.
Soon, another battle with the same enemy became
imminent and David inquired of God again – refusing to take spiritual dynamics
for granted.
This time, however, God’s instructions were slightly
different.
‘…and God said unto him, Go not up after them; turn away from them, and come upon them over against the mulberry trees. And it shall be, when thou shalt hear a sound of going in the tops of the mulberry trees, that then thou shalt go out to battle: for God is gone forth before thee to smite the host of the Philistines.’ – 1 Chronicles 14:14-15
God asked David to stand under the shade of mulberry
trees and listen for the sounds of marching feet!
To the logical mind, that did not make any sense
whatsoever.
For starters, you don’t stand idle when the threat of war is real. You gather your resources and prepare your army for battle.
In addition, it is impossible to march on branches and leaves still attached to the trunk of a tree. Besides, to the natural mind, merely standing under a tree to listen for a sound that others cannot hear is hardly a military strategy, especially when you know that the enemy is going to be better prepared because of their thirst for revenge.
He knew that the factors that determine victory in battle were more than the number of soldiers, horses, and chariots that an army had. David had an understanding that failure on his part to stay aware of the spiritual variables of war could cost him and his army severe losses.
David’s choice to stay consistently aware of the
dynamics of the spiritual realm brought him and his army their desired results.
‘David therefore did as God commanded him: and they smote the host of the Philistines from Gibeon even to Gazer. And the fame of David went out into all lands; and the Lord brought the fear of him upon all nations.’ – 1 Chronicles 14:10-17
Interestingly, there were spiritual dynamics at play
during the Battle of Dunkirk that contemporary historians sometimes overlook
during their analyses.
Just before the British military leaders embarked on
sending boats and ships to evacuate the trapped Allied armies, the king of
England at the time, King George VI called for a National Day of Prayer where
he implored everyone under his jurisdiction to cry out to God for divine help. And
his people responded, as there are eyewitness accounts, as well as photographs
proving that the entire nation went on their knees, crying out to God for
deliverance.
Just like King David centuries before him, King George
VI understood that there were spiritual realities that were available to him
and his nation.
As the nation took advantage of their connection to God’s Strength, Wisdom and Power in the spiritual realm, interesting events were unfolding in the physical realm.
As mentioned earlier, first, the German authorities decided not to press their advantage at Dunkirk for three whole days.
Then, the weather at the battlefield became very cloudy, such that it was not possible for the Germans to use their bomber planes in making life unbearable for the trapped Allied armies.
Even more remarkable, the water corridor was very calm, such that the evacuation efforts of the Allied armies via ships and boats were much easier than it would have been had the waters been turbulent.
Understand this: Talent, planning, and strategy will only take you so far.If you fail to take cognizance of the influence of the spiritual realm on events in the physical realm, you will always fall short in the long run.
In those early days, I remember being crippled with anxiety whenever there were more than two vehicles on the road.
Back then, crawling at 30 miles per hour was very fast.
However, for me, the holy grail of driving was the ability to drive with one hand. You see, I always held the steering wheel with both hands and my brain would always fry whenever someone tried to hold a conversation with me as I drove.
In contrast, I saw other people flawlessly executing what I was incapable of doing.
As I saw other drivers use one hand to control a 4000-pound vehicle as they nonchalantly engaged in conversations with passengers, I could not help but grow green with envy every single time.
The question that never seemed to leave my mind was this: How are these guys able to drive a car with just one hand?
Fast forward to a couple of months ago, my boss and I traveled for a conference.
In the car, we talked about the finer details of the presentation we were scheduled to deliver together the following day.
Of course, I was the cool driver cruising along the highway — with just one hand on the steering wheel!
That’s when it occurred to me that I had been doing this bad habit for almost two years and I did not even know it!
If you think I am advocating for one-handed driving, you are missing my point.
The bigger picture is the process that took me from the ‘Day Crawler’ in 2017 to the ‘Cool Cruiser’ a couple of years later.
Now that I think about it, the one thing that transformed me from one state to the other is so obvious.
Consistency!
I became a better, more confident driver because I continued to drive every day and in every circumstance.
I drove in the rain.
I drove in the snow.
I drove at night.
I drove in the fog.
The more I drove, and the more contexts I drove in, the better I became as a driver.
Consistency made me a better driver!
At the end of every year, people give different motivational talks about how you need to keep reinventing yourself every year.
They talk about how it is essential for you to make plans for the new year to be your best year yet.
However, while I am all for planning and reinvention, I don’t know why people wait till the end of the year before they make such moves.
It’s not like your life stops and resets at the end of every year.
The earth does not stop revolving around the sun to give everyone a breather at the end of each year.
Yet, we are quick to hop on the bandwagon of those who conveniently advocate for reinventing yourself every year — forgetting the rewards that may arise from persisting with your current path.
If you really want to be successful in any field of endeavor, you need to reflect on previous successes you’ve experienced in your life.
If none comes to your mind, think about the following:
You did not learn to walk because you planned it. Rather, you learned to walk because you were consistent.
You did not learn to write alphabets because you reinvented yourself, you learned because you were consistent.
If you’ve earned a degree, it happened because your study habits were consistent over the duration of your schooling.
Consider this quote I have been meditating on for some days now,
He that tilleth his land shall be satisfied with bread; but he that followeth after vain persons is void of understanding
– King Solomon (Proverbs 12:11)
Every step of the farming process is a testament to the power of consistency.
A half-hearted attempt to clear the weeds on a farm will make it impossible to plant seeds.
A half-hearted attempt to plant seeds will jeopardize the farmer’s harvest when it is time.
Even harvesting is dependent on consistency. The farmer does not harvest half-way before trying to reinvent himself into a shepherd. Rather, when the crops are ripe, he goes all in and does not relent until he’s done.
On the other hand, there are the inconsistent ones who are tossed to and fro by the different doctrines pushed by the different thought leaders.
People in this camp are left overwhelmed with information, even as they sink into the cesspool of action paralysis…until the end of the following year when they get their next fix of reinvention talk.
If you are ready to thrive, you do not need to wait till the end of the year to make your desired change happen.
All you need is consistency, and here are 3 tips that will keep you on track.
1. Eliminate Ruthlessly
As humans, we are finite.
We can only be in one place at a time.
We only have enough resources for some things, but not everything.
As a result, we need to deliberately select what we choose to focus our attention on.
Again, when you think about the previous successes you’ve experienced in your life and you’d find them rife with elimination.
To walk, you needed to eliminate crawling.
To write, you needed to eliminate the uncoordinated hand movements that were not giving you the desired symbols.
Staying consistent becomes a simple ordeal when you ruthlessly eliminate the unessential and concentrate on what matters.
2. Design an Enabling Environment
When the defaults in your environment promote the performance of your desired behavior, you become more consistent at it.
For instance, if you want to be more productive with your time, you could redesign your physical space such that your phone is in a separate room whenever you need to work.
In the same way, if you want to be a generally more healthy individual, it is easy to build consistency in healthy eating when your immediate environment is filled with healthy meals.
Your environment is not just limited to the physical inanimate objects in your surroundings. Rather, it also comprises of your social environment, which is made up of the people you surround yourself with.
Before I started driving, no one in my immediate circle could move a car to save their lives. I naturally started driving as soon as my social environment comprised of drivers.
Think about it: You are able to walk today because the people who surrounded you as a child all walked and encouraged you to walk.
Like I said in my post, The Adullam Ring: Outsourcing Decision-Making for Better Outcomes, when you form your Adullam Ring of like-minded individuals, you set yourself for success in the long-run. This happens because of the positive peer pressure that constrains you towards consistency. No one wants to be the one dragging the group back.
3. Track Your Progress
When you are in the habit of measuring how often to repeat a desired behavior, you are more likely to stick with it.
As you track each time you write that article, meditate, go to the gym, make that sales pitch, or do some predetermined action outside your comfort zone, you will literally see those tiny actions add up over time in your tracker.
Self-sourced motivation is the best kind of motivation, and there are very few things that can spark motivation than seeing yourself going on a streak.
I have provided a simple habit tracker that you can download and adapt for the purpose of tracking your habit (No squeeze page or sign up!)
In 1837, a 29-year-old Charles Darwin received an academic grant worth nearly $120,000 in 2019 dollars. Prior to that, he had embarked on a very successful exploratory voyage to Africa, Australia, and South America on the HMS Beagle from 1831 – 1836.
Darwin’s findings during the trip placed him at the cutting edge of the geological and biological research of his day. He would later go on to turn the scientific world upside down with his radical theories for which he’s still known today – almost 150 years after his death.
Yet, on this fateful summer afternoon in July 1838, Darwin penned the following words in his journal which reflected the more pressing matters on his heart:
Marry [pros]:
Children — (if it Please God) — Constant companion, (& friend in old age) who will feel interested in one, — object to be beloved & played with. — better than a dog anyhow.– Home, & someone to take care of house — Charms of music & female chit-chat. — These things good for one’s health. — but terrible loss of time. —
Not Marry [cons]:
Freedom to go where one liked — choice of Society & little of it. — Conversation of clever men at clubs — Not forced to visit relatives, & to bend in every trifle. — to have the expense & anxiety of children — perhaps quarelling — Loss of time. — cannot read in the Evenings — fatness & idleness — Anxiety & responsibility — less money for books &c — if many children forced to gain one’s bread. — (But then it is very bad for ones health to work too much)
Six months later, Darwin was married to Emma Wedgewood. Their marriage lasted 43 years and produced 10 children – many of whom went on to lead successful professional lives.
Needless to say, Charles Darwin made the right choice because he got something right.
Clarity!Clarity!!Clarity!!!
Many times, we make poor decisions, not because we are irrational or stupid, but because we lack clarity.
When we lack clarity about our desired preferences and outcomes, we end up making sub-optimal decisions. This is painfully obvious in circumstances where the choices we have to choose from are ambiguous.
As an example, if you are on a diet plan – once you have opportunity costs at the forefront of your mind, it is easy to choose between the calorie-dense chocolate cake and the tuna salad.
On the other hand, what do you do when you need to choose between relocating to another state and staying put where you are? How do you know whether it is time to go back to school, or whether your time is much better spent working your way up the corporate ladder?
The Quality Decisions Accelerator (QDA) is a simple tool I created to bring you much-needed clarity when you need to make rational decisions in situations where the options are ambiguous and the opportunity costs not readily obvious.
I’m going to walk you through the process of using the QDA in six simple steps.
So, here goes…
Step One: Pray Before Using the QDA
I bet you did not see that coming.
If there’s anyone who embodies the perfect representation of rationality, it’s God.
God created us in His Image and Likeness and the only reason we appreciate and strive for rationality is because God placed that ability within us!
Unfortunately, because we live in a deeply humanistic society, we have strived to make God totally irrelevant in our decision making.
Consider what the sage King Solomon had to say about decision making:
‘In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.’
Trying to make rational decisions without so much as a breath of prayer directed to God is like trying to navigate the Amazon forests without a map or a GPS – a total recipe for disaster.
When you pray to God before making decisions, even if it is for 30 seconds, you increase your chances of finding that ever-elusive clarity. More often than not, Step One is the farthest many people reach before God stirs up the answers from within them.
That’s not a bad thing!
Step Two: Be Calm in Your Mind and Emotions
If you find yourself having to make a high-impact decision (like buying a house or relocating to another city) when you are on an emotional rollercoaster, please refrain!
Periods of intense emotional reactivity are inconducive to rational decision making – rendering the QDA useless.
One key obstacle to clarity is a mind that is filled with mental clutter – many of which arise from emotions that are out of whack.
For best results with the QDA, you need to find a way to be calm.
Take a walk or listen to some relaxing music.
Do some meditative breathing.
Retreat to a room where you can have peace and quiet.
Do whatever you need to do to bring your mind and emotions back to a state of balance.
Step Three: Identify 5 – 7 Yardsticks That Will Influence Your Decision
If a person wanted to choose between going back to school for an advanced degree (Option B) and working a regular 9-5 job (Option A), some of the factors that may be considered include income, opportunities for growth, opportunities for networking, derived happiness, and free time for family.
These factors are what I call Yardsticks and they will be typed into the first column from the left on the QDA.
To get accurate results from the QDA, it is essential that you select yardsticks that are important to you.
In the hypothetical situation above, if ‘income’ or ‘free time’ is not a factor that will influence your final choice, it is useless to include them as yardsticks.
Also, while I designed the QDA to have enough space for 10 yardsticks, you do not have to fill up every single gap. However, try to base your decisions on at least 5 – 7 yardsticks for more accurate results.
Step Four: Score Each Yardstick According to Importance
At this point, it should be obvious that not every yardstick will have the same gravity for everybody.
In choosing between going back to school and staying at a corporate job, ‘opportunities for growth’ and ‘derived happiness’ are definitely valid factors that should be considered before making such a high-impact decision.
However, ‘opportunities for growth’ may hold more weight for a fresh-faced graduate, even as ‘derived happiness’ may be valued higher from the perspective of a seasoned veteran.
This is why the subjective value of each yardstick needs to reflect in the QDA. As a result, in the column named Impact of Yardstick, you need to assign scores to each yardstick (on a scale of 1 – 10) to reflect how much they mean to you.
In the hypothetical situation above, money is important to this decision-maker, but not as important as having free time and the Impact of Yardstick reflects that (scores of 5 and 7 respectively).
Step Five: Rate the Yardstick for Each Option and Watch the Magic Unfold
Now it’s time to fill up the Yardstick Ratings for each option.
From the example above, it is obvious that one will make more money being an employee than being a student. Hence, you see ‘income’ having a Yardstick Rating of ‘9’ for Option A (job) as opposed to a meager ‘1’ for Option B (school) for this hypothetical decision-maker.
Other Yardsticks are scored in a similar fashion.
The beautiful thing about the QDA is that it’s coded to automatically make arithmetic computations as you fill it up.
As a result, you see the Total scores as soon as you type your Yardstick Ratings.
Step Six: Make a Decision
If you have followed all the instructions to this point, you’d find that the option with the greatest Total at the bottom of the QDA is your preferred choice.
Based on the hypothetical example, Yardstick Ratings and Impact of Yardstick reveal that the rational choice for this hypothetical decision-maker is to go back to school despite the fact that the job may provide more income.
This means that the decisions you make by virtue of using this tool are not cast in stone.
Neither are the Yardsticks or the Yardstick Ratings and Impact of Yardstick numbers.
We all make decisions based on our current level of knowledge, as well as our unique perspectives at a particular point in time.
Since both our knowledge levels and perceptions are capable of evolving in the process of time, do not shy away from revisiting and revising your QDA to reassess your choices and sharpen your clarity.
What would you do if you were distressed, discontented with your lot in life, and in debt?
To get to that point, you’d probably acted irrationally by ignoring sunk costs to keep dumping precious resources on projects that are doomed to fail.
You might have also failed to keep opportunity costs at the forefront of your mind, and as a result, you now find yourself regretting and imagining what might have been.
You know poor decision-making habits got you to where you are.
Now’s the time to summon all your willpower and pull yourself out of the situation, because the only person to blame is you. Right?
Wrong. You’re Making the Fundamental Attribution Error
As humans, we are often guilty of grossly overplaying the power that our personalities have on many aspects of our lives.
Yet, when you think about it, you’d realize that in your day-to-day activities, your environment is arguably at least as important as your personality.
Your environment influences the kind of options you have for food. For instance, yams do not grow in the United States, and as a consequence, they do not eat pounded yam. Similarly, apples do not grow in Nigeria, making it impossible to eat apple pies over there.
The environment also plays a key role in the type of clothes you will wear, which will, in turn, affect your appearance. Take a moment and ponder on this: No matter how fanatic an individual is as a Christian, she will still put on a shawl if she happens to be in the deserts of the Middle East. Failure to do so will make her vulnerable to the dusty winds of that region.
When you reduce what one eats or wears to the barest concept, you’d find them for what they really are.
They are decisions that you make without actively thinking.
Why? Because the environment you are situated in determines the range of your choices.
My point is simple: If the environment can influence our decisions in the form of the food we eat, or the clothes we wear, why do we fail to see its impact on other aspects of our decision making?
It’s because we are all guilty of committing the Fundamental Attribution Error.
According to researchers, the fundamental attribution error is the tendency to underestimate environmental factors and overestimate the role of personality in determining all forms of behavior – including quality decision making.
And you see the result in our societies today:
People identify as depressed individuals, while totally ignoring the fact that they might be in a depressing physical or social environment.
There are discontented individuals and families all over the world who are neck-deep in debt but fail to see how the prevalent culture of materialism and immediate gratification has made them vulnerable to buying unnecessary things.
Your personality may affect the quality of your decisions, but your environment is the real game-changer. It will make or break you.
Reciprocal Determinism and Your Adullam Ring
Some might read all these and conclude that I’m advocating a total lack of personal responsibility since we are in an unwinnable war against the environment.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
God, in His infinite power and wisdom, knows how powerful the environment can be in influencing our decisions, habits, and behavior. And what’s more? He has given us the ability to deliberately design our environment in such a way that it would influence the quality of our decisions.
Somewhere along the line, as David’s embarked on his journey of destiny towards Israel kingship, he punctuated his trip with a retreat in a cave at a place called Adullam.
These men were in a terrible place in their lives, likely due to the quality of their individual choices up until that point.
But when you fast-forward a few years, the narrative had changed.
These men were no longer referred to as the distressed, the discontented, or the debtors. Rather, they were called David’s Mighty Men.
Bold. Strong. Valiant.
Imagine being trapped in a pit.
On a snowy day.
With a lion.
And still escaping victorious!
That’s just one tale from the remarkable accomplishments of these men.
But there is every chance that these stories would have been lost to posterity if these men had not made the initial decision to change their environments to Adullam.
These men formed their Adullam Ring with David and the sky became the beginning.
Let’s apply this concept to the quality of your decisions.
Do you really think you will be out of shape if the five closest people in your circle are fitness junkies?
Do you think it will be possible for you to continue drowning in debt because of an extravagant lifestyle if your Adullam Ring comprised of individuals who are masters at living within their means?
When your network is made up of people who value delayed gratification over instant fixes of dopamine, you will find yourself doing the same in a matter of time.
Sheer willpower and grit can take you far, but if you want to see the quality of your decision making multiplied ten-fold, you must design your social environment through an Adullam Ring.
The Simplest Way to Form Your Adullam Ring
Sometimes, I write an epic post that people deem as valuable and the next thing I know, I get a message from someone asking me to be their mentor.
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.
If you take this approach, it is very likely that you will not get a favorable response. Why? For those who truly understand, a true mentor-mentee relationship is an involved process that consumes the time, effort and resources of both parties for the desired results to be achieved. It’s not something done impulsively.
On the other hand, the Adullam Ring method will give you more traction in a faster period. Here’s how:
First, examine your current circle and identify people who have similar goals as you do. If you are finding it difficult to identify like-minded individuals, there is a good chance that your network needs to be broadened. You can do this by looking out for programs where you know you have a good chance of meeting like minds. Note that you do not need to look for gurus or top professionals for this purpose. All you need are 2 – 5 people who are headed in the same general direction as you are, and are either at your level of proficiency or a step or two ahead of you.
Next, reach out to these individuals and tell them what you are trying to achieve and how you feel you all could be a source of encouragement to each other. It is important to frame the request as a mutually beneficial relationship. Remember, this is not a mentorship, rather a platform for being a part of someone’s enabling social environment, even as they are part of your Adullam Ring.
Finally, have an accountability plan. Naturally, there are certain behaviors that are easier to get accountability than others. For instance, if your goal is to improve your fitness, a simple accountability system is simply to head into the gym at the same time with the group. Of course, if you want to save money, your accountability system will be slightly different. The goal of accountability is to promote what I consider the secret sauce for developing the habit of making quality decisions in the long-run. By incorporating accountability in your Adullam Ring, the decision-making power no longer lies with you, but the larger group. As a result, your decisions become outsourced to your environment, and you reap your desired outcomes.
In Conclusion…
The quality of your decision-making is often a reflection of where you choose to make your habitat. You already outsource the bulk of your decision-making to your environment. Why not take the next step and deliberately design your an enabling and empowering Adullam Ring that will improve your decision making, bring you closer to your desired results.
On November 27, 2000, David Blaine attempted to sit in a block of ice for 72 hours.
He failed, as he was able to do only 63 hours, 42 minutes and 15 seconds, which is still a pretty impressive feat to pull off.
So, how did David Blaine last that long?
I have a simple theory.
David Blaine knew that if he demonstrated that he had a rare skill, the world will deem him as valuable and he could increase his chances of earning millions of dollars over the course of his life.
So, in Blaine’s mind, he pretty much had two choices:
(1) Do what everybody is doing and remain just another ordinary, broke performer running helter-skelter in order to make ends meet, or;
(2) Try your hands at something notorious and reap the rewards of infamy.
David Blaine chose the latter option and it was rational for him to do so.
As he sat there in the ice, with all the cameras and Times Square pedestrians looking on, Blaine continued to persevere because he valued the fame and wealth in the future, more than the pain and discomfort in the present.
He kept on pushing the limits of his body. Minute after minute. Hour after hour. Day after day for nearly 3 days. All these without blinking his eyes for a second of sleep!
David Blaine went that far because he did not have one thing that many of us have in abundance when we are trying to pursue our goals.
That one thing is calleddelay discounting!
Delay discounting is the tendency most of us have when we downplay a reward we want for the simple fact that it is in the future and not immediately available.
The vast majority of people prefer healthier and trimmer bodies to beer bellies and love handles, right? Unfortunately, the gustatory reward of the cookies, soda, and sugary stuff in the present is valued more than the reward of having a fit body six months down the line.
In the same vein, many people prefer to have more money saved in their bank accounts. Yet, the reward derived from splurging funds on another piece of jewelry they don’t need is valued higher than the reward of financial stability in the future.
People who exhibit delay discounting, exhibit a malaise which I call the Esau Syndrome, named after Esau who valued an immediate plate of food more than his strategic position as the firstborn in his household.
So, how can you pull off a David Blaine and defeat delay discounting, even as you cure yourself of Esau’s Syndrome? The secret can be found in how you choose to interpret difficulties.
See Difficulties as Important for Defeating Delay Discounting
If you’ve held an ice cube in your hand, you know how uncomfortable it is. Now, imagine how much physical. physiological and psychological distress David Blaine must have been in as he sat in a block of ice for hours.
Yet, David Blaine saw the difficulties of his present reality as an important ingredient that will transform him from just an ordinary performer into an exceptional one.
As I’ve said in a previous post, the way options are framed goes a long way in determining behavior.
In a study, college students who interpreted difficult experiences in school as a sign of its importance were willing to sacrifice more to attain their academic goals. Needless to say, those who interpreted difficulty as impossibility were not as willing.
Similarly, your decision to remind yourself of the importance of those difficult goal-oriented choices will prove beneficial to you in the long run. Stop framing beneficial habits such as saving, eating healthier or exercising as impossible. Rather, start seeing them as a vital ingredient for the results you want.
Overcome Delay Discounting by Interpreting Difficulties as the Path
David Blaine continued to sit in the ice – immune to delay discounting – because he saw the feat as the path to the fame and wealth he wanted.
It’s one thing to just mentally acknowledge that an act as important for a result you want. If you are serious about results, you need to see the act as the path towards your endgame – fitter body, more income, completed bestselling book, whatever it might be.
In this study, an African American student was asked what it meant to be an African American male. In response, he said,
“To be an African American means to me being strong, intelligent, and very proud of where I came from. Many African Americans have been successful and I plan to be the same way.”
The quoted student, as well as other African American students who gave similar responses, did better in a difficult math test when compared to other students who gave other responses.
The implication is obvious. Participants who perceived themselves as strong, intelligent and proud African Americans were likely to see difficult academic challenges as a path towards maintaining their cultural identities. It is the same reason that Asians seem to be highly proficient in their schoolwork. They interpret the difficulty as the path to reinforcing their identities.
You will defeat delay discounting when you start interpreting your challenges as the path that will link the present ‘you’ with your desired future ‘you’.
Overcome Delay Discounting with Episodic Future Thinking
As David Blaine sat in the ice, I’m sure he engaged in some form of visualization as he savored the fame and fortune his feat was going to earn him. He was able to find a way to enjoy his future rewards, even as he was in severe discomfort in the present.
Researchers from the School of Medicine and Biomedical Sciences at the University of Buffalo observed that people who were encouraged to think about future, positive events turned out to be less impulsive than participants who didn’t get such kind of encouragement. The study also reported that participants in the former group were less likely to spend money on calorie-dense fast foods when compared to the control.
What’s the point in all these?
If you are serious about defeating delay discounting, finding a way to periodically think and remind yourself about your goals is essential. There are a number of ways you can do this. For instance, I’ve written extensively on the power of journaling every day. When you journal, the most important things in your life are brought to the forefront of your mind. As a result, you are able to easily recall them when the temptations to choose immediate small results present themselves.
Conclusion
Your decision to undervalue future rewards and overvalue present rewards is limiting you. The good news is that there’s a way out, and you do not need to sit in ice like David Blaine to crush delay discounting and the Esau Syndrome in your life. You can start the journey towards a fuller life by making the decision to change the frames with which you look at difficulty, while also bringing your long-term goals to the front of your mind from time to time.
