Under normal circumstances, entropy signifies the amount of disorderliness in a system. For instance, a highly disorganized room can be said to be in a state of entropy.
In information theory, however, entropy is given a slightly different treatment. This form of entropy is called Shannon’s entropy and it deals with the amount of surprise that is embedded in a message. The higher the entropy, the more informative the message is.
Think about the last time you heard a baby babble. In this instance, the amount of information you can extract from the baby’s vocalizations is small. There’s really nothing inherently novel or interesting about hearing a baby say “baa-da, baa-da…” over and over again. The Shannon’s entropy of the baby’s message is low.
On the other hand, say, you’re listening to a subject matter expert talking about a topic you’re very interested in. In this case, the Shannon’s entropy of the speaker’s message is high. Why? Because the words encoding his message can open new frontiers in your mind once you are able to decode them!
Generalizing to interpersonal relationships today, many relationships have the Shannon’s entropy of a baby’s babble!
There are at least two heuristics for detecting an interpersonal relationship with a low Shannon’s entropy: (1) Recurring conflicts on the same issues, which could eventually lead to (2) Cold indifference, where one party is simply apathetic to the other.
So, how can you increase Shannon’s entropy in your interpersonal relationships?
First, listen to truly understand what the other person is saying. Merely mouthing ‘I understand you’ does not cut it. To understand the other person means embodying the spirit of empathy. That is, trying as much as possible to enter the same emotional and psychological space as the other party. Doing this will increase the amount of information you can extract from the other person’s message, thus increasing the Shannon’s entropy of the other party’s message to you. This may be crucial in taking your interpersonal relationships to the next level!
Second, understand that winning the person is sometimes more important than winning the argument. In a scientific study investigating the dynamics of social interactions among rats, a typically dominant rat engaging in playful rough and tumble with another rat will usually let the other rat win 30% of the time. That is, even stronger rats instinctively appreciate the idea that winning the individual is sometimes more important than winning the fight. You can imagine how much more the Shannon’s entropy in your interpersonal relationship will be increased if you took a hint from a rat!
Disclaimer: The “Notes/Ideas Lab” category on my website will contain ideas and thoughts that I have not fully developed. I may eventually get round to fleshing them out into a full essay. I also reserve the right not to do so…
