A sickness to my marrows, a sorrow to my soul,
Initially sweetness in my mouth, now bitterness in my bellies.
It’s a struggle and I’m not alone in it, but
the company I keep, I’m better off without.
‘I must get out of this rigmarole’, I cry, challenging myself with my self-induced pep talk
I try climbing out, ever slowly, never surely, clinging desperately
to the slippery borders of the Valley of Despair I find myself in.
By sheer exertion and willpower, I fool myself into believing
that I’m making net progress, no matter how little, but
I soon lose my footing, for the umpteenth time and I come
crashing down, hitting rock bottom, again.
Suddenly, it dawns on me, the sun’s countenance smiles on me.
With a flash of discretion, I discover that it is not in me to deliver myself.
I’m now tired- with the situation, and with myself
I’m tired, bleeding all over, but even in my full strength,
on a good day, I’d still be found wanting
I am down to my knees in my ultimately lowest point, and
I shout- Your Name
There is silence.
I consider throwing in the towel,
thinking, at least, it was worth the try, then
Thunders come crashing like cymbals hit by a drummer in a frenzy,
Lightnings come striking in a beautiful wonder,
The earth is quaking and out of the skies, The Ladder descends to me.
The choice is mine: with my last ounce of strength, I touch
the first rung of The Ladder.
Nothing happens.
Then I blink and everything happens
I see myself translate from Darkness into unfathomable Light,
I wallowed in self-pity in the company of strugglers,
Now, I’m in a wide, spacious open place, where
the grasses are carefully manicured, the evergreen trees evenly spaced,
A picturesque backdrop of mountain and hills mingling with
the graceful showering of dew, Gentle rivers meander through
their course like a ballet dancer, before cascading down the
magnificient waterfalls.
With hot tears streaming down my face, I mutter, ‘I’m free!’